


A Confession, An Order and A Decision

by Basched



Series: Past Present Future [3]
Category: Primeval
Genre: Angst, Difficult Decisions, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Het, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slash, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-11
Updated: 2013-07-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 16:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/838899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basched/pseuds/Basched
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Emily back from the past, Matt has a difficult decision to make.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Captain's Confession

**Author's Note:**

> Originally this was my "A" trilogy, but I wrote another oneshot involving Connor which I've now included into this. To be read after "Getting Closer"

It was happening again. She’d noticed his offish mood and this time she had a suspicion as to why he was behaving like he was.

Jess was just as happy as everyone else to have Emily back, but Becker was not. He was cold and stern, distant, just like he’d been when they had first met and after everything they’d been through at the ARC his reversion to his old ways was not on.

Jess turned her head around to glance over her shoulder and saw exactly what she’d expected. Becker had dropped off his paperwork in Lester’s office and instead of coming over to her and engaging in conversation, he was walking back towards the lifts, the black cloud of his mood following him. She pouted angrily and locked her console into standby mode before slipping out of the chair and running after him.

“Becker! Wait!”

The captain halted and the dark expression on his face appeared to worsen when he saw her. Jess didn’t like that one bit, because Becker never greeted her like this. 

“Make it quick, Jess,” he said. “I’m busy.”

“Busy being an arsehole!” she snapped.

Becker was shocked. His eyes widened in absolute astonishment and several people walking past them actually stopped and gasped at Jess’ use of language. She slapped her hand over her mouth with disbelief.

She had sworn before, but Jess was particular about she used bad language and in front of whom but now was not the time for her to worry about it. She grabbed the sleeve of Becker’s shirt, dragged him to a secluded corner of the room and then folded her arms and scowled to show how upset she was with him.

“Is something wrong, Becker?” she asked. “Is there a reason you’re being so mean to everyone?”

“Jess…?”

“You haven’t come to say hello to me these past few days. You don’t talk to me or Abby and Connor… you haven’t been your usual self and its affecting everyone who works with you, Becker. Has someone angered you? Have I done something to make you…?”

“Oh God, Jess! No!” Becker stepped closer to her; his hand reached out and cupped her elbow. He coaxed her arm loose and gently held her hand. “You haven’t done anything to upset me…I’m sorry I’ve been an arsehole… again.”

“It’s Matt. Isn’t it?”

Becker didn’t say anything. His mouth dropped open but no words came out.

“You and Matt have fallen out again, haven’t you? Because of Emily.”

“Because of Emily?” Becker was shaking his head with disbelief, but Jess knew she had hit the nail on the head. He was panicked, he was gobsmacked and it wasn’t easy to rile this soldier. “Jess… what do you mean?”

“Ever since Emily came back, you’ve been in the most foul and sour mood. You’ve been a right tit to all of us!” The anger then faded from her voice when she saw the look of guilt and shame in his eyes. He tried to back away but Jess squeezed his hand and kept him close.

She was right. Her suspicions had hurt her, it pained her to even think that it was possible and now seeing Becker’s reaction, Jess felt a part of her die. He didn’t love her.

“You like her.” Jess said, sadly. “I know you do, she’s beautiful and wonderful…she’s strong, a fighter. You like her a lot and it must be hurting you so much that Matt is…”

“Jess. That’s not what’s going on.”

_Huh?_

“Huh?” Jess’s mouth caught up with her brain, but neither really clicked on to what he was saying. She was even more confused when Becker took her into his arms and gave her a hug. She had always wanted, dreamed of this moment…but it wasn’t how she had fantasised it. This hug was like a brotherly embrace. It was also a hug asking for support not giving it. “Becker? I…I don’t understand. You don’t have feelings for Emily?” 

She pulled out of his hold, looked up and saw the confliction and…agony…in his eyes. She squeezed his hand and instead of him accepting the gesture, he tried to pull away. 

“I can’t explain it right now, Jess. I don’t know all the details myself…Can we discuss this another time?”

“What’s wrong with now? You can talk to me,” she said softly. “I don’t want to see you like this. I can help you…you can trust me.”

“I do trust you Jess.” He sighed painfully as if he had an enormous weight on his shoulders. “It’s complicated. I’m sorry I’ve been rotten to you and the others, I’ll try not to be from now on but it isn’t going to be easy.”

“Is it something that Matt has done?”

There it was. It wasn’t much, yet she saw it, a twitch of his eye before he finally yanked his hand from hers. He must have seen the look of realisation on her face as he turned and began to head for the lifts. He pressed frantically at the call button, but the lift didn’t come and Jess wasn’t about to wander back to her station. Her mouth was hanging open in shock, her eyes stinging with tears as the fog of confusion, cleared. 

“Oh!” she gasped, shaking her head. How could she have missed this?! “OH!”

The lift arrived. The ding and the slow swoosh of the doors opening snapped Jess out of her trance and she ran after Becker.

The doors closed and the lift began to move.

“You could have told me,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. When he didn’t say anything Jess carried on. “I understand that’s it’s difficult for you, but it is okay. To be gay.”

“What?” Becker spun round to Jess and until that moment, she’d thought she had been right, yet his response indicated otherwise. Or did it? 

“It’s Matt that you have feelings for, not Emily.” She stated.

“Jess…” His eyes closed and he had to take several deep and long breaths.

“Becker! It’s okay! You have nothing to be ashamed about or afraid of. I’m the one who feels like a right plonker!” Jess attempted to laugh, but Becker obviously wasn’t finding anything funny about this. He started to pace the lift. “I didn’t know that you…preferred men.”

Becker halted the lift, making it jerk and Jess stagger. Becker said something but she didn’t quite catch his words.

“Sorry, what?”

“Man.” Becker rubbed his face with both hands and leaned against the opposite wall to Jess. His voice dropped and he croaked, “Not men…man. Just one.”

“One? You mean Matt?”

Becker slowly slid down the wall until he was slumped heavily on the floor. Jess could see the turmoil he was in and despite the fact that all her hopes had been dashed, that he would never return her affections, she wasn’t going to stop being a friend. She slipped off her green shoes and then knelt down beside him, touching his knee with a supportive hand. 

“I worked with him for months…” Becker said, after minutes of silence went by. “Never thought once of him in that way…until we fought.”

The fight.

Jess remembered. The day she’d led the new soldiers into the gym and seen the two of them on floor, it had seemed like something from a sitcom, a funny awkward and embarrassing moment. She had teased Matt and Becker about it, but never had she honestly believed that the men would actually…never did she imagine Becker would develop feelings like this. Jess had been so swept up in her own crush on the captain she hadn’t been able to fathom it at all.

“It is only him, Jess.” Becker scratched at the stubble on his chin and then rubbed at the whole of his face, coating his palms with sweat from his brow. “I can’t explain how or why…I know for a fact that other men hold no interest for me. They do nothing for me, but when I fight with Matt, with just him….something happens. Something…I feel…”

He was then lost for words and Jess didn’t blame him. Becker had just confessed a huge secret to her, revealed a part of himself he was struggling with and would continue to do so unless he had help. 

“Does…” She didn’t want to ask this question but Jess had to. “Does Matt feel the same way, about you?”

“I think so, I don’t know. Well after what we did…” 

He didn’t need to say more. It was evident that something more than just a spar had happened between the two men. Jess felt a painful stab in her heart and her hand slipped from Becker’s knee. She brought her hand up to hide her watery eyes, but Becker snatched it in his and closed his other hand over them.

“I am so…sorry, Jess. I know how you feel….about…” 

Of course he had to know that she had a huge crush on him. Jess knew she wasn’t exactly subtle. She shook her head and forced a smile. She didn’t want him to fret over her.

“I’ll get over it. May take a while, but I will.” Jess swiped at a tear just as it fell involuntarily from her eye. Becker’s anguished gaze softened and he too forced himself to smile as he brushed another from her cheek. That single stroke of his thumb over her skin sent a warm tingle all over her body along with a glimmer of hope. “So…you still like women then?”

Becker nodded. He knew what she was going to ask. She saw his head dip slightly, but he never looked away and the anguish in those hazel eyes seemed to plead for her not to say anything further. But Jess had to. 

“So Matt’s the only guy. Do you love him?”

“Not sure love is exactly the right term,” he replied. “But I feel something for him.” 

“Well if you like women…do you think maybe…you and I might, one day…?”

His silence and the break of eye contact said everything. Her world felt as if it had ended and the lift became very small. Constricted. Jess had to move away.

If only he’d said no. If Becker had said that it was only men he liked, Jess could cope and understand. She would still be disappointed but she wouldn’t feel as rejected. 

She got to her feet, slipped on her shoes and turned the key to get the lift moving again.

“You must hate me now,” he murmured behind her.

_“I could never hate you.”_ She shook her head.

Arms wrapped around her and turned Jess around. Then, shaking palms cupped at her face and his mouth kissed her forehead. Jess was overwhelmed, myriad emotions bombarded her as his hands dropped from her face and pulled her into another brotherly hug.

Despite her own pain, she could feel Becker’s through the shaking of his body, so she gave him the support he needed. She pressed herself against him and offered as much as she could, even though she was breaking up inside.

“I am sorry, Jess.” His voice whispered into her hair. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know.”

“What will you do now? Will you talk to Matt?” Her mouth meshed against the black material of his shirt as she spoke. Becker shrugged. “What…whatever you do decide…I’ll be here for you.”

“Thank you, Jess. You’re a good friend.”

_Friend._

It was all she was to him now even though it was never what she’d wanted, but Jess would continue to be one. She would continue to love him no matter what.


	2. A Lady's Order

_“What the hell? I gave you a direct order!”_

_“I know. I just thought you were wrong.”_

_“We really need a clearer chain of command around here!”_

 

She never did as he asked. 

Becker was supposed to be the second in command after Matt, he was the one responsible for their safety and did it not say captain on his uniform? Okay, it didn’t, but he still technically held that rank (everyone called him Captain despite his resignation) and that meant that when it came to incursions and the safety of others in ARC…he made all the calls. 

Emily remained with the team in lock down and her disobedience pissed him off greatly, or was it because she had ordered him to help her? Whatever the reason, it didn’t matter, she wasn’t going to be safe here and Becker thought it wasn’t too much to ask for Emily to get away from the man-eating prehistoric bugs? Matt had agreed with him.

“She disobeyed a direct order,” Becker said minutes later as Emily handed Matt a canister of pesticide. 

“Yeah?” Matt and Emily grinned at each other as if they were sharing some kind of private joke. “Get used to it.” 

Neither of the two men wanted her there, but there was nothing Matt or Becker could do about it. 

When Emily Merchant made up her mind, there was no changing it. As soon as Emily stood next to Abby with the pesticide, when Becker saw her ready to face the bugs, fierce determination on her face, Becker concluded that he probably shouldn’t try to change her mind and that maybe, here was where she was supposed to be. 

Emily could handle herself, that much Becker had always known, and she was by no means a helpless pushover. She carried an EMD as if she had always known how to use one and Becker thought that if she was given any weapon, even other types of firearms, she would become an expert in its use pretty damned quickly. The woman was more of a fighter than she really let on. 

Emily still pissed him off, but it was probably due to the green-eyed monster living inside of him, which hated the way Matt was so stricken by her, hated that they seemed so bloody perfect for each other. 

Now, Emily was standing next to Abby with a canister of pesticide in one hand, waiting for the oncoming swarm of bugs and their queen. She had such great resolve, her grip on the nozzle was tight, so much so that her knuckles were turning pale. Emily was afraid, he could see it. Anyone would be a fool to not be in that situation, but she was in control of it. 

But then everyone’s handle on control—even hers—faltered when the bugs dropped down through the panel. The ignition of several canisters filled the room with a God-awful stench of chemicals and a stinging billow of choking gas. 

Then Becker heard a piercing scream behind him. It was a sound he never wanted to hear again. 

_“Sarah!”_

Sarah had screamed his name and begged for him to help her. She had died in his arms, but during that long year following her death, he’d always heard her scream. There were times in his sleep when he still did. 

This time was different. It wasn’t Sarah. 

“Jess! Oh God, no! Jess!” 

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

She was unconscious, she was pale and weak and it was just heart-breaking for both of them to see her like this. Becker was getting angrier with each passing second, especially as he felt so helpless. There was nothing he could do for Jess, she didn’t have her EpiPen and for some insane reason, the medical bay didn’t stock any adrenalin. Becker was going to have some serious words with those dicks who called themselves doctors. 

Becker had carried her there, he had felt her go limp in his arms when they’d sat in the back of the car but even locked away in this room, there was nothing he could do. Now Becker paced the panic room, frustrated beyond hell, while Emily cradled Jess in her arms, stroking her hair and whispering soft, gentle words in her ear. 

Jess could die and Becker didn’t want that. More than anything, he wanted to see her eyes open and see that lovely smile beam back up at him. 

“What’s taking them so long?” he snapped, halting before the door and thinking that he would very much like to kick it. “Dammit! Come on!” 

“They’ll be here,” said Emily as she brushed a lock of Jess’ hair out of her face. “Sit down.” 

Becker looked back at Emily, sneered and continued to pace the room again, kicking the leg of a bench instead of the panic room’s door. 

“Becker, sit down…you’ll do yourself no good if you worry like this. Jess is not going to die.” 

Such certainty! She was so damned sure that Jess wasn’t going to die, but how could she tell? She didn’t know the future, she wasn’t from it. 

“Captain Becker! Sit down!” she barked. 

He slumped down to the floor beside Jess, thinking he did it not because of Lady Merchant’s command, but because he wanted to. He snarled at her, making sure Emily knew just what he thought of her bossing nags, but when he gazed down upon Jess, the anger was replaced with a painful worry and intense anguish for the young twenty-year-old. She had become so pale… she didn’t even look to be breathing. 

“She’s…is she breathing?” he asked, his voice breaking as every word was difficult to speak.

“She is. Everything will be all right.” Emily assured him with a half warm smile. “Matt and Connor will do what they have to and the lock down will be released. Jess will be fine.” 

“They might not find a way at all, Emily. Philip is the one who can end this, he has to release the doors now! We have to get out of here and get Jess to a hospital! 

“Yes, I know that! But we can’t let those creatures get out either! Matt will work it out!” 

“I won’t let her die.” Becker shook his head. “Not because of a stupid reaction to a bug bite.” 

“She won’t die.”

“She will if we don’t do something! I… I have to do something.” 

Becker scooped up Jess’ hand and clenched it tightly in his. He held it up to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. No one was going to die because of him, Becker had sworn this. He had failed Sarah and now he swore again and again against Jess’ hand that he wasn’t going to fail her. 

“You’d better breathe, Becker.” Emily said, noting that the solider was having difficulty in doing so. “Calm down.” 

“I don’t need to calm down!” Becker gave her a menacing glare and then rose to his feet. “This is Jess’ life on the line and I won’t let her die! I won’t let anyone die on my watch! No one! Not Jess, Abby, Connor and yes, not even you! But of course I can’t protect anyone if certain people don’t follow my orders!” 

“Oh! So you’re going to be like this, are you?” Emily shook her head in annoyance. “I stayed because, with those things on the loose, you and Matt needed all the help you could get, but most of all, you were wrong!”

Of course he was. He knew that now. He was wrong and Emily— _whoop de-de!_ —was right. Becker knew he was being petty with his attitude towards Emily and Jess wasn’t going to benefit from his behaviour. He had to do what Emily said, calm down and wait patiently for Matt to come back. Though when it came to anything Matt Anderson, Becker wasn’t exactly patient either. This whole situation was making his emotions get the better of him. 

As a soldier, patience was a necessity and Becker certainly kept his emotions in check when it came to dealing with the situations he was faced with. Dinosaurs and creatures this deadly meant you had to have to your wits about you, there was no room for things like emotions, they could get you killed. 

Sarah. 

Becker knew he was at his best when he was actively doing something, but pacing this stupid panic room doing nothing was making him extremely frustrated. He needed to focus on anything other than what he was feeling. 

“Well, fine, but next time, when I give you an order to leave, you leave!” Becker pointed a finger at Emily and when he saw how his hand was shaking he clenched it into a fist and banged it against the wall. He stayed there, with his fist touching the wall and his back turned away from Emily. “Understand?” 

“Next time, Captain, don’t imply that I’m non-essential!”

 _Shit._

Emily was far from non-essential. When he’d given that order Becker had wanted her far away from the ARC, but now after everything she had done and was still doing for Jess, Becker didn’t want to think about what could have happened if she had left. 

He bowed his head and turned back to face her. 

“I’m sorry. It was a poor choice of words on my part. I didn’t mean to imply that you weren’t…. essential. You’re not. Not essential… I mean you are… I… Emily! You know what I mean! ”

Emily appeared to accept his apology as she returned a grateful smile to him. Becker continued to pace, stopping briefly to look at his watch and the door in the hope that Abby might return with Rex. He hoped the others would turn up as well and end all this so Jess could get to a hospital. 

Knowing that the others were all doing something did little to calm him down. So this time he did kick the door and it really hurt. 

“Argh! Matt! Hurry up!” 

He hadn’t planned to call out Matt’s name, nor had he intended it to sound the way it did, pained and desperate. The throbbing pain in his foot now made his mood even worse, but when he turned round it was the look in Emily’s eyes that made him nervous. 

_Oh fuck. She knows. Matt… you told her didn’t you? You told her! Idiot!_

“He didn’t tell me. I already knew.”

“Are you reading minds now or am I that bloody obvious?” Becker sank down onto a bench next to Emily and Jess and leaned on his knees in the vain hope it might settle the sickness riling in his stomach. 

“Just a little bit…” Emily indicated a small measurement in the air with her thumb and forefinger. The weak smile upon her lips barely even showed, but Becker saw it and the regret in her eyes for even trying to tease him in this situation. “Becker… it’s all right.” 

“Well it doesn’t feel all right.” He sat up straight and faced Emily, the anger building up inside of him focusing on her. “I feel far from all right! I’m anything but all right! Jess is dying, the ARC is being overrun by killer insects and my private life is apparently no longer private because I have it written all over my face along with the word ‘mug’ in huge capital fucking letters!” 

“Becker… you are not a mug!” Emily snapped. “Stop beating yourself up and calm the bloody hell down! Focus!” 

Instantly, his mouth clamped shut, but his mind didn’t stop going haywire. This day was getting worse as the minutes went by. As always Emily was right—damn it!—she was the only one who appeared to be keeping a level head in this situation. 

That wasn’t on. 

He got back up to his feet and walked to the shelves. There was quite a lot of crap piled up on them, so he began to search through it all just in case there was something that he could use for Jess. He had to think on anything except his own personal problems. 

Becker found some discarded bubble wrap. The pop, pop, pop of the air bubbles between his fingers helped calm him, a little.  
“We did talk.” Emily said after Becker had cleared most of the shelves and the bubble wrap. He dropped a box to the floor and turned round. “Briefly.” 

“You mean you talked about me.” 

“Yes… because you’re important to him.” 

Becker laughed, though it was void of any humour. 

“Me? I’m important to Matt? Did he even tell you what we do?” He shook his head. “No… he loves you, he and I just beat the crap out of each other. It’s clear by the way he looks at you that he loves you and now that you’re back, he won’t need me. I won’t get in the way. I’ll step aside and get on with my own life. That is if we survive this.”

“We will get through this, Becker and as for you stepping aside… that’s up to Matt to decide not you.” 

Becker laughed once more. He snorted, highly amused that there was any decision for Matt to make. It would be Emily… it would always be her. A man would be an idiot to not choose a woman like her. 

Their eyes locked and Becker suddenly began to calm down. He had stopped furiously upending the shelves and now sank down into a crouching position, clutching a small plastic ziplock bag in his hands. He nervously fumbled with the bag, though he was unable to stop staring at Emily. 

“No. There’s no choice.” Becker sighed heavily. “It’s you.” 

“Becker…” 

“Don’t even try to tell me anything different. Matt is head over heels in love with you and why shouldn’t he be? You’re beautiful….” 

_Shit! Why did you say something like that? At a time like this?_

Emily broke the stare, she bowed her head over Jess and continued to dab the damp cool cloth over her forehead. Becker could see that such a comment affected her… her pale face flushed but her jaw clenched tightly as if she was trying hard to keep herself from saying anything back. 

It had been a stupid thing to say… but then of course Becker knew he was being nothing but stupid. He never cracked like this before. 

Not since Sarah. 

Becker felt the anger swell up again. His hands ripped at the zip on the bag, pulling it right off and he looked inside with a small hope that there was something in there for Jess. It was empty so he threw it aside with contempt. 

“Where the hell are they?” he yelled. 

Two hard knocks on the panic room door answered his question. Becker wasted no time in responding to those knocks and as soon as Connor and Matt ran in, Becker breathed just that little bit better. 

His head stopped spinning when Jess opened her eyes. When she smiled up at him and as he felt her hand squeeze his, Becker felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders. He felt so much better, he was relieved and as he knelt there holding Jess’s hand, he then began to feel overwhelmed. 

She was fine. Safe… alive. He hadn’t lost her. 

Tears began to swell up in his eyes and he noticed Abby smiling… as if she knew something. 

“I’m, um… I’m going to… I’m going to go and do some security stuff.” He released his hold on Jess’ hand and jerked a thumb over his shoulder before rushing out of the panic room as quickly as possible. 

The mixture of emotions was now churning through him. Becker felt like a confused child as he went to the locker room, collapsed on the bench, leaned back and smashed his head against the metal door of a locker. 

He didn’t like the fact that he had come so close to really snapping back there. He had shot the queen bug, despite the fact the others had told him not to and in doing so he’d caused the rest of the swarm to scatter. He had acted on impulse because Jess had been attacked and he could have caused a lot more damage. He had made a stupid mistake because he’d reacted before thinking. 

“She’s asking after you.” 

Becker jolted against the locker and turned to the door to see Emily standing there. She obviously didn’t care that it was the men’s locker room. 

“Jess.”

“She wants to thank you, for saving her life.”

Becker shook his head. He wasn’t ready to go back and face Jess yet. Besides, she would still be recovering in the medical bay. The medical bay…. the poorly stocked medical bay.  
He rose sharply to his feet, fists and jaw clenched as what he was going to say to the medical personnel flashed in his mind. For not having their stores sufficiently stocked, they were going to get a damned earful from him. 

Becker was blocked by Emily in the doorway, and she refused to budge, even when he grabbed her arm. 

“Becker…” Her palm pressed against his chest and she waited until his anger lessened. “Go to Jess… talk to her! It will help you both come to terms with…  
”  
Her words stopped in mid-sentence as Becker dropped his head closer to hers. Emily was not shocked by the anguish and rage in his eyes nor did she step back or recoil. 

“We both know what we can’t have, Emily. Jess and I don’t need to talk. Not now.” 

“You may not need or want to. You might not even be able to… but do you think that Jess might? Or even Matt?” 

Becker couldn’t control what he did next. His body suddenly pushed Emily up against the door frame and she gasped when Becker lent in close. She was startled with such close contact from him, it frightened her. Emily tensed and stopped Becker from getting any closer by placing both of her hands on his chest. He noticed that she wasn’t pushing him away. 

“What would Matt want to tell me that I don’t already know?” Becker asked, covering her hands with his. He felt her trembling so he squeezed a little tighter. “He’s already made his choice.” 

“Really? You’re that certain it’s not you?” 

“Yes.” 

“Then speak to Jess. Now.” 

Becker let go and backed away from her. He understood her ‘order’ clearly. If he was so set upon not being disappointed by Matt, he shouldn’t do the same for Jess. He really didn’t want to… call it fear or more guilt… but he owed it to her. Becker gave Emily a brief and curt nod and headed off down the corridor at a quickly-paced march. 

“Captain!” Emily’s voice carried down the corridor and stopped him in his tracks. Becker didn’t turn round this time. “Matt might surprise both of us. I don’t think he has decided but when he does, it might not be what you so obviously think.” 

“Yeah…” Becker had to grin at that comment. “Right.” 

She wasn’t going to be right this time.


	3. Did You Do All This?

“Rex? Rex! Little buddy? Where are you?” 

Connor had to pause for a moment and lean against the wall. Everything was a little hazy and blurred, so stopping for a rest helped—just a little bit—to get things back in focus. 

The celebrations were still going strong in the Ops room, he could hear the laughter and the clinking of glasses, but he had a job to do. 

Rex had been allowed free rein for the party, provided that someone kept an eye on him. He didn’t know how Abby had persuaded Lester, and Connor wasn’t exactly sure why he was now looking for the prehistoric lizard either, because he had consumed a large number of drinks and was quite tipsy. 

Connor hiccupped, which was followed by a little belch before he carried on down the corridor wobbling in an uneven line. 

“Rex? Come on, mate… Abby’s wondering where you are!” 

Okay, no reply. No distinctive chirping or the fluttering of wings. Lester would not be impressed if Rex was lost somewhere in the building and neither would Philip. It was a good thing Connor had reprogrammed the lockdown software to allow Rex access to other parts of ARC or else no one would be going anywhere.

“Rex! Come out, come out wherever you are!” Connor giggled a little and then had to wipe a little bit of spit that dribbled from his mouth. Okay he was more than a bit tipsy, he was hammered. Connor also needed to go to the toilet. His bladder felt very full. 

So the Rex hunt was put on hold as Connor proceeded to stagger towards the men’s toilets. Again, he weaved from one side of the corridor to the other, banging into the walls, the urge to pee getting more and more desperate with every step he took. 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

Connor wasn’t quite sure what he was hearing as he approached the gentleman’s room of convenience. There was shouting (swearing mostly) and a lot of banging and crashing. Something porcelain smashed, someone yelled and called out a very rude name, but there was also the constant sound of running water. Like a waterfall. 

“Okay… I really need to go.” He moaned and squeezed his legs together to walk—as best he could—from the knees down, into the toilets. 

Connor was oblivious to the state of the place. Everything was a slight blur as he looked around anyway, it made no difference to him that one of the sinks had been smashed to bits and water was pouring all over the floor. He didn’t notice the broken tiles coming away from the wall or the door of a cubicle hanging off its hinges. 

Connor didn’t register Becker pinned up against the wall with his red and black shirt ripped, his jeans open and slipping slowly down his legs. Connor didn’t click onto the fact that it was Matt holding him there, his body pressed against Becker’s and his hands pinning Becker’s arms to the wall. 

For a moment, the two men were just as oblivious to Connor as he struggled to unzip his fly and stay near one specific urinal. No one else appeared to even exist to them as they glared at each other, their mouths inches away from touching, the heat and adrenalin from the fight clearly still coursing through them like wild fire. 

Connor was absolutely clueless for his only goal was to get that fly undone. When he did, everything else that needed doing in this process easily followed and Connor let loose a long, relieved sigh as his bladder began to empty. 

“Aaaah! Thank God! How great is it to pee?” 

“Shit!”

There was a cluttering sound as broken tiles from the wall fell to the floor, along with a rustle of clothes, more swearing and what sounded like a heavy booted kick to a cubicle door.

“Shit!” 

Connor grinned happily, leaned forward over his urinal and let his head smash lightly against the wall. He stood there for a long time and even a little while after he finished. Then he pushed his head off the wall and tucked himself away. “That feels so much better! Now, Rex! Where--?” 

His voice trailed off when he saw Matt and Becker standing side by side, blocked from the exit and looking more than a little uncomfortable in front of one of the cubicles. Connor peered round Becker and he saw a large boot print on a door which now lay broken over the toilet. Then he slowly turned round and finally saw the entirety of the wrecked men’s room. When he peered down at the puddle of water pooling around his boots, Connor was extremely curious as to how it had happened. 

Connor was distracted from his rippling reflection in the water and he saw Matt and Becker trying to leave, he even heard Becker whispering angrily--urgently—to the Irishman to get the hell out of this place. They both froze when he blocked their way again and confronted them with a big happy drunken grin. 

“Hey, guys. How are you doing?” Connor’s eyebrow rose in surprise when he saw that Matt was half-naked—covered in a way load of scars and bruises—and Becker was holding up his jeans and looking extremely pissed off. 

“Er….we could be better.” replied Matt, glancing over to Becker, who just rolled his eyes in annoyance. 

Connor grinned sheepishly and gave Matt and Becker the thumbs up. 

“Great! Talking of things great, it is so great to have Emily back, isn’t it?” Connor swayed and nearly slipped over, but Becker grabbed his arm. “Right?” 

“Sure. It’s absolutely bloody wonderful,” Becker disdainfully replied. 

If Connor hadn’t been drunk and if Becker hadn’t had more than a few tipples, Connor might have questioned him about that tone of voice. How could he be so upset about Emily’s return? This party, this break from work, was all about their friend, so why would he be such a grump? 

Then Connor realised what was going on, what he had interrupted. His genius but intoxicated brain connected everything together. 

“Did you do all this?” he asked, gesturing to the ruined room and flooded floor. Matt and Becker exchanged looks. “Are you two fighting again? Like what is up with that and the constant visits to the medical bay? I thought you were friends! I thought I was the one who got injured all the time! You do realise that Lester is going to be seriously pissed off when he finds out what you’ve done! Jesus, guys! What the hell happened that would make you two want to destroy the men’s bogs?” 

He didn’t get a proper answer out of Becker, other than an angry grimace and a muttered string of curses that Connor could have sworn sounded like Mutley the dog. Becker barged past Connor towards the exit pausing to hitch up his jeans before disappearing. 

Connor looked to Matt for a more sensible answer. 

The man sighed and scratched absentmindedly at the back of his head. 

“He ran out of toilet paper.” 

“You what?” Connor grinned uncertainly. “Are you serious?”

Matt patted him on the back and a smiled as he strode out of the room, his shoulders slightly slumped and what had once been his favourite grey shirt trailing in tatters on the floor behind him. 

Connor was left more than a little confused and disorientated, but then he cautiously made his way over to the cubicles. There was no sign of toilet roll anywhere, all the holders were wrenched off the wall and only the cardboard rolls remained; a soggy mess on the floor. 

Connor agreed that it was a huge inconvenience to be left with nothing after a trip to the loo, but to flip out and start fighting with your friend? Connor shook his head. Becker seriously needed to talk to someone. 

The state of this room wasn’t of any importance any more and Connor was certain he wasn’t going to be blamed for it. He had done what he came here for and before he could go back to the party and have that dance with Abby, he had one more thing left to accomplish.

“Rex! Little buddy? Rex!” 

Connor walked to the door and called out down the corridor for the Coelurosauravus. He had to lean against the wall again, but this time Connor really listened. He was rewarded after a few minutes by a faint chirping response. 

“Talk to me, Rex! Tell me where you are, mate!” 

The reptile’s vocalizing sounded again and again, but because of the alcoholic haze and the lack of co-operation from his feet, Connor took a while to reach the end of the corridor. 

Rex was nowhere to be seen. Connor could hear him but as he looked behind some corners and even opened doors into labs and offices, there was no sign of him. 

“Rex! Come on! Please?” 

There was a squeak and a metal thumping up above and when Connor looked up his face was immediately hit by a load of unravelled toilet paper and a tangled up Permian reptile. 

“Oh… Rex… Becker is going to kill you.” 

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

“Argh!” 

Abby nearly fell off the bed when Connor bolted upright and screamed. She hadn’t expected him to waken like that, but now as he began to calm down so too did Abby. 

She shuffled a little closer to him and tried to ignore the waft of alcohol emanating from his body. It didn’t matter that he had come back to their apartment drunk—Abby herself had had a few—what mattered was that he came back. It was the first time he had spent the night with her for a good while. For once, Philip Burton’s New Dawn project hadn’t kept Connor in that lab and it was all because of Emily coming back. She had brought the team together. 

“Connor. I’m here.” Abby wrapped her arm around him and held him tenderly until his erratic gasping breath evened out to normal and he slumped back down onto the pillow.  
She lay down next to him and snuggled up, coiling her legs around his. “What’s the matter, Connor? Are you okay?” 

“Bad dream.” He moaned and his body did an involuntary shiver. “And a splitting headache. I shouldn’t have drunk so much. Oh God… I didn’t do anything stupid did I?” 

“You weren’t that bad.” Abby chuckled slightly and stroked at his bed hair. “I found it quite endearing.”

“Found what quite endearing?” 

Abby laughed. 

“It wasn’t endearing at all. I made a right prat of myself, didn’t I?” 

“A little bit, but it’s okay. A few of us did.” 

Connor grinned and brought his face close to Abby so that he could rub his nose against hers. The touch of skin tickled her causing Abby to scrunch up her face and beam happily. 

“So… do you want to tell me about it?” she asked, prodding him with a finger. 

“Ow. Tell you about what? Last night at the party?” 

“The bad dream.” 

The cheeky goofy grin vanished as Connor pulled the sheets over his head and physically shuddered. Utterances of ‘No, no, no’ came from under and such a childlike reaction caused Abby to duck under the covers as well. 

“Connor…” She grabbed his chin and made him look her in the eye. “It’s okay, you can tell me. What was it about?” 

Connor shivered again and tried to cup his hands over his face. He sat up right again, flinging the sheets off the both of them. 

“Oh Abby… it was… I think I’ve been scarred for life. How can I go into work and face them? How can I ever keep a straight face around them?” 

“Connor, it can’t be that bad. Surely it’s not as bad as the time you dreamt Lester was dancing through the ARC wearing only a corset, suspenders and black high heels?”

“It’s worse!” 

“How could it possibly be worse than that?”

Connor’s hands dropped from his face and a pale and freaked out gaze looked back at Abby. 

“Becker and Matt made out! I dreamt that my teammates, my friends… had kinky man-sex in the middle of the men’s toilets on the third floor of the ARC and Rex stole all the toilet roll!”

Abby wasn’t sure how to react, or to what; the hilarious scenario of the dream, of Connor hiding himself back under the sheets like a freaked out kid, or Rex walking past the bed, trailing a long line of toilet paper behind him.


	4. A Leader's Decision

Matt hated himself. When Emily took off her mask, when the black hood fell from her head, he’d forgotten all about Becker. She was here, she was alive and so breathtakingly beautiful that he struggled to resist the urge to take her in his arms and kiss her. But when the time came for him to go he couldn’t—didn’t—want to leave without her. 

“I’ve really missed you.”

When he walked through the anomaly and he saw the look of absolute relief and the smile upon Becker’s face, the hate boiled inside him and his chest felt as if it was on fire. 

He’d forgotten him. Matt felt as if he had been ripped apart and pulled in several different directions, everything was hurting and at that moment he’d rather take on the raptor again than continue to feel like that. 

Emily came through mere seconds later and collapsed in his arms. Matt feared she would die and Becker seemed to be just as worried. Matt didn’t want her to die…not so soon after finding her again.

 _“Maybe she should die, Matthew,”_ Matt heard his father’s voice speaking in the back of his mind. _“Your feelings towards her and towards the…man… are getting in the way of your duty. Forget her… forget your disturbing folly with the soldier and do what you came here to do!”_

Now, three days later, as he secured himself away in the panic room, Matt focused on decrypting Connor’s hard drive, or at least he tried to. His father had been right, getting close and intimate with anyone was a distraction to his mission. The lives of everyone in this world depended on him and all Matt could think of was Emily and Becker. 

The selfishness sickened him. The guilt pulled at his insides, it twisted his guts to the point he thought they would rip apart. So much was demanded of him, Matt had a huge responsibility and yet the years of being alone without connection or intimacy, were taking its toll on him. 

Since the day he came to this world, he had kept his distance. His father demanded it, the future depended on it, but the years he’d spent here were difficult and the rare times when he did have those moments with women, they were only for the benefit of his frustrated body. He never got attached to the women, never stayed with them in the mornings to share hugs or even breakfast. He never allowed it. 

Matt knew he shouldn’t be contemplating his problems now…nor should he be worrying about what he and Becker had become and what Emily’s return could mean for them, but he couldn’t help it. 

Matt shook his head to try to forget the events of two nights ago, at the party the ARC crew had thrown for Emily. It had been fun, everyone had been happy—even Lester—but none of them had the burdens that were weighing him down. Matt swore and slammed down the lid of the laptop as he recalled the teasing argument in the men’s toilets, of the scrap that had followed and what had nearly happened as a result of it. 

Matt paced the room and banged a clenched fist against his forehead when he remembered the breaking of the sink and tiles coming off the wall as he’d slammed Becker up against it. It would have gone further if a slightly inebriated Connor hadn’t wandered in. It had been too close a call. 

The self-inflicted punches against his forehead weren’t helping him forget. 

“Focus you, daft git!” Matt pounded a fist on the wall and the pain caused him to grip his hand to his chest.

Abby had risked everything she had with Connor to get this hard drive, and if Matt could decrypt it then they would know what Philip was up to. It was a simple job to do, he wasn’t as good as Connor was with computers, but he knew he could crack this code if he bloody concentrated. 

A tap, tap, tap sounded, breaking his troubled pacing and turmoil thoughts. 

Matt went over to the door and opened it. Emily was there, smiling and looking every bit as beautiful as she had when he’d first met her and, if it was possible, she looked even more so. Another distraction wasn’t exactly what he needed right now, even one as lovely as her. 

“I thought I would find you here,” she said. 

Matt stepped aside and let Emily stride gracefully in. He did love the way she carried herself; her poise was flawless, almost regal and certainly powerful. She waited until he was working on the laptop again, before sitting on the edge of the bench. 

He turned his head around and saw that her stiff, rigid demeanour had relaxed slightly and fascination sparked within her dark eyes as she watched the scrolling code flash across the computer screen. 

“Any luck?” she asked. 

Matt rubbed his hands across his face in frustration and shook his head. While Emily was fascinated with the computer technology, Matt was seriously losing his patience with it. 

Matt Anderson very rarely lost his patience. 

“No,” he sighed. “This thing is giving me a headache. Connor’s done a very good job.”

“But can you break the encryption?” 

If it was with his future tech, Matt would have no problems, but this laptop and hard drive was ancient and Connor was too good. It would take time. 

Time they might not have. 

Matt kneaded his palm into one of his eyes, hoping that it might help alleviate the stinging fatigue, but his body froze and tensed hard when two hands began to massage at his shoulders. Eventually his eyes drooped shut and the pleasure that rippled through his muscles, as she eased the knots he didn’t know existed, made him sway on the bench. 

He moaned. 

“Is that good?” 

“Oh yeah.” 

Her hands were amazing. Gentle, soothing fingers easing his pain was very different from the rough invigorating ones that had caused it…but they evoked the same pleasured reaction. He moaned again before leaning forward and resting his arms on his knees. 

“You work yourself too hard,” Emily took her hands down from his shoulders and ran them along his back, grazing over some of the unseen bruises Becker had given him. “You need to relax.” 

“No. I can’t.” 

The massage stopped and Emily’s hands rested against his back, against the still-throbbing bruise Becker’s knee had caused. 

“The world won’t be saved if you’re exhausted. If you are the one to stop Philip and Prospero, you have to have some rest.” 

That wasn’t going to happen, especially with her still touching him like that. Matt reached up a hand and lightly slipped hers off his shoulders before getting back to the decryption. 

Emily sat down next to him, not in the slightest bit offended by his reluctance to take her advice, or for refusing her massage. Matt heard the squeak of the chair as she shuffled closer to him and then her elbow nudged against his arm. 

“I have to do this,” he reiterated sternly. 

“All on your own?” Emily’s hands snaked round his arm and her head leaned on his shoulder. “Must the man from the future endure the burden?”

Without even knowing it, Matt’s head leaned against the soft chestnut curls of her hair. After several deep breaths—taking in the subtle aroma of lavender—Matt moved away from her and glared at the screen. 

“I have you… and Abby.”

“That’s fine and well,” replied Emily. “I know why you haven’t told Connor, his loyalty to Philip is strong but what about Becker? Do you not think he deserves to know where you’ve come from… and what you have to do? He can help you.” 

No. He couldn’t. Not now. 

Matt dreaded telling Becker the truth, especially now. He’d never said anything to anyone at first because he couldn’t trust a single one of them, but now as they grew as friends and colleagues, the secret would ruin everything. Abby was still a little off with him despite the fact she was aiding him and if she was like that… Matt dreaded to think how hurt Becker would be. No, he could handle this with just Emily and Abby and he would hopefully stop Philip without the truth even coming out.

The guilt of lying to Becker wasn’t making him feel any better either. 

“No,” he finally stated. 

“Do you think that’s wise?” 

“Emily, the less people know about me and about where I come from, the better.” 

“And you think that after everything you and Becker have shared, what you’ve become, it would be better to carry on lying to him?” 

Matt felt the sharp wrench in his neck when his head snapped round to face her. He could not believe that she had just said that, but it was too late to hide his reaction. He felt the blood drain from his face, his mouth opened and his eyes widened in shock. A sweat began to form on his palms and brow, his mind was screaming at him, saying that he heard wrong—he must have heard wrong!—but Emily knew exactly what she had said. 

“It wasn’t what I expected either,” she said when Matt failed speak a word. “But seeing how you two have been behaving, it makes sense.”

It made sense? Matt wished that Emily would tell him how, because his relationship and feelings for the other man made anything but sense to him. It also didn’t make sense how calm Emily was about it. She wasn’t smiling, thinking it all one big joke, nor was she angry or sad... there wasn’t even the smallest sign of disappointment. Shouldn’t she be angry, upset or something?

Emily touched lightly at his face, seeming to know what was going through his mind and when her fingers stroked the rough stubble on his cheek, a soft understanding smile finally graced her lips. 

“I traveled with my companions for years,” she said, running that same hand up and through his hair. “When you are few and you fight for your own survival… bonds are formed which are not considered normal in society. My friends, my people, including myself, never understood Charlotte and Ethan. We knew she was the one person who sated him and prevented him from doing those awful things. He loved her and in her own way… Charlotte did love him back. When you trust another person with your life, it’s more than friendship or family or indeed anything. I know.”

“Emily…”

“You’ve saved his life… he’s saved yours. You and Becker have worked beside each other in situations no one else in this time could ever imagine. You’ve shared something that’s unique to the pair of you… special.” 

Special? Was being turned on by kicking ten buckets of crap out of each other special? Matt agreed that it was different, certainly when it compared to how he felt for her, but why would Emily even be okay about this? 

“I may have been born in the 1800s.” Emily softly pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth and rose to her feet. “But as you said… I don’t belong there. I don’t think I ever truly did belong… except when I came here. Matt, I missed you so much and I know that you feel the same way about me but Becker deserves to know the truth. What you feel and share with him isn’t remotely like what you feel for me, but you owe it to him, you have to tell him who you are.” 

Matt really didn’t know this woman. As shocked as he had been that Emily even knew about Becker, it was nothing to the surprise of how she accepted it, or even how composed she was. Emily was no ordinary woman and the warm sensation left behind by her kiss lingered on and spread through the rest of his body. He felt that urge again to get back up and hold her. 

That little smile on those luscious lips of hers showed that she wanted him to but the longer he sat and stared at her, entranced, the more he struggled. Matt heard his father’s voice again in his mind, reminding him what he had come back here for and the guilt came back. 

“No.” Matt turned away from her and focused back on the computer. “What I have to do is stop Connor from helping Philip destroy every single life on this planet. Becker is better off not knowing any more about me than he has to.” 

“I don’t believe that, Matt.” There it was, a pleading desperation in her voice. Emily came round in front of him, straddled the bench and pushed the laptop closed before leaning forward and looking Matt directly in the eye. “You’re carrying a huge burden around with you… everyone’s fate depends on you making that right decision.” 

“I’ve made the call, Emily.” 

“Fine, then there is only one thing left.” Matt didn’t know why Emily’s smile turned sad all of a sudden. “What do you want, Matt?”

“I want you.” 

“You also want him.” 

He might not know her as well as he thought, but Emily Merchant knew him. She could read him like a book. It was scary, but wonderful. Emily was right and despite the fact that she didn’t actually show it, Matt suspected that she was covering up that disappointment. So he rose to his feet and joined her on the other side of the table. 

Without saying a single word, Matt slipped one hand around her waist and cupped her face with the other. It was her turn to tense in his hold, for her breath caught in her mouth and then as he looked deeply into her eyes, he felt her body begin to shake. The brush of his lips over her mouth quickly put a stop to her shivers, the squeeze he gave to her waist made Emily’s arms slide up and around his body and she sunk into his embrace as he showed her exactly who it was he wanted. 

Matt poured everything of himself into the kiss and Emily reacted pleasurably to every soft touch of his lips and caress of his tongue. She moaned his name and pulled at him even more tightly before going limp in his arms. 

The kiss broke only a few moments later, when a tapping sounded at the door. 

Neither of them wanted to but as their lips parted, swollen and wet, they didn’t move or release their hold as they tried to get their breaths back. 

“I want you.” Matt kissed her again. 

“I know.” Emily sighed and when her hand pressed against his chest, she pushed Matt away. “But you still have to decide, Matt… I only hope that it will be the right one.” 

When Emily moved away from him and to the door, everything became eerily cold. 

Matt turned and tried to stop her letting whoever it was in, he didn’t want anyone else around until some sense was made of this screwed up situation, but it was too late. 

“Well?” 

Abby offered the briefest of acknowledgements to Emily and strode right up to Matt. She was extremely anxious, she was biting at her nails whilst her gun hand was itching to do something, to shoot something or someone. 

Matt stepped away from her and returned to the laptop. The last decryption program he had tried had made some progress since he last looked at it, but it was not enough. His frustration only caused the blonde woman to scowl and frantically pace the room.

“Connor’s hard drive is encrypted. I’m nearly there.” 

“Please… don’t tell me I broke into Connor’s lab for nothing.” 

Matt wished he could tell her that it would all be worth it and help ease her anxiety. He wished a lot of things as he looked over his shoulder to Emily, the main one being that she wasn’t so damned right about what he really had to do. 

He had to decide soon. 

Her or Becker.


End file.
